As a child i was really happy and outgoing, but at adolescence I strayed into an abyss of rebellion and anger. I was consumed by a world that hated establishment and always wanted to “stick it to the man.” My parents drug me to church weekly and put me on sports teams to try and encourage me into a more positive lifestyle that I strongly resisted. I resented my parents; I hated God and had little or no self-esteem. I found relief in prescription drugs, alcohol, sex, music and many other destructive behaviors. My life was out of control by fifteen, and no one could convince me of changing in any way. By my senior year in high school I maintained a daily drug habit, supported by selling the drugs I took.
After graduation I started school at The Art Institute of Atlanta and was dating the girl of my dreams. I had the world at my fingertips but quickly lost control because of my excessive lifestyle. I started using Heroin, prescription pain killers, Xanax and cocaine on a daily basis. At the end of 2006 I went to my first rehabilitation facility to detox. I was put on a maintenance drug to subside the drug cravings and left in ten days when my insurance quit paying. Three months later I found out that I was going to be a dad. I will never forget that discussion I had in a Waffle House late one night right after we found out. At that point I made a decision I wanted to change but it was only short-lived. I tried desperately to get off the maintenance medication by using other prescription drugs to help me through the cravings. Within a week or two I was right back in the same lifestyle I had been living before. By the time my son was born I had spun completely out of control and I had no relationship with his mom. I was in rehabilitation under lock-down the day he was born. They let me go to see my son delivered and there was no joy for me, the whole day I was consumed by my drug seeking behavior. I didn’t care about anything else. I will never forget digging through a trashcan looking for what was left in the box of anesthetics the doctor had thrown in just hours before my son was born.
I spent the next three months in the Trek program trying to get my life straightened out. In the program I handed my life over to Christ for the first time on my own accord, outside of my parents influence. The program challenged me in ways that I had never been challenged. Trek helped expose so many things in my life that had been holding me in my addiction. The most crucial time for me in Trek was during the Family and Friends weekend where God brought an enormous amount of clarity and healing in my family life. The program allowed me to come to a point where through Christ I could stand on my own two feet again.
Even during the program I began to compromise in more ways than I would like to admit. The glow of my salvation experience faded and I eventually finished that program. I stayed off all drugs and alcohol for the next year. In that time I re-enrolled in college, married my son’s mother, paid of my debts, got my own place and car. My son had been living with his grandparents since birth and I had a dream of bringing my wife, son and I together in a house and pursuing the American dream. I was happy and everything seemed to be going well until the next year. Our marriage crumbled in a matter of months because of the fact that there was no foundation beneath it. When the marriage fell apart so did my dream. When I lost my dream I crumbled. My whole world seemingly fell apart.
Eventually I fell back into my old ways for about a six months period and came to yet another breaking point in my life. By God’s grace he drew me back to himself relentlessly. No matter how far I ran he would not let me go. I finally re-submitted my life to Christ almost two years ago and went through a discipleship program in Texas that helped me grow even further with Him. I really think that the foundation that Trek had laid in my life is was led me back into God’s will for my life when I tried to turn the other way. My biggest lesson I have learned since being with HopeQuest is that you really must submit all of yourself to Christ before you will ever walk in true victory! Even though it has been rough, the journey since I graduated Trek has been one I wouldn’t trade for anything!
Today I now work at a ministry and training school affiliated with Teen Challenge International for those seeking to work in missions, drug/alcohol rehabilitation and ministry in general. I have been all over the United States and even gone globally sharing what Christ has done in my life. My greatest blessing is spending time with my now 4 year old son who was born a month before I walked into the doors of HopeQuest Ministries. I truly believe today that Jesus Christ IS the solution for those with life controlling issues like drugs and alcohol because God is the only one that can change the heart of a person and not just place a band-aid on surface issues.
What I have discovered through this journey is that God is real. I have found that God is a God that loves us all more than we could ever imagine and doesn’t base His love on our performance. I have found that it has never been His expectation for us to change ourselves but for us to let go and allow him to change us. Today I can only look forward with hope and optimism. Each time I look back I am reminded of how great Gods plan is for all of us. The following scripture sums it up: